5 Reasons Bieber Would Be a Better PM than Trudeau

March 3, 2018

If you have a pulse then you have heard about the faux pas fete that the Prime Ministership of Justin Trudeau has been.

 

Canada is the country that provides Americans the opportunity to be safe whenever they may be targets of insults or if they wish to avoid to have spit in their soup at a restaurant. It is not uncommon for American tourists to stitch a Canadian flag to their backpacks or to say, when asked, that they come from Toronto. However, that me about to change. Once insular, Canada is starting to be in the news all over the world and, sadly for them, not for the right reasons. Basically, their Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, is a dunce. And I don't say this lightly. He is a dunce. The Merriam Webster online, always a delightful read and an invaluable resource, tells us the story of the term dunce, i.e.

 

The irony of dunce lies in the fact that this synonym of dullard is derived from the name of one of the most brilliant thinkers of the Middle Ages, John Duns Scotus. So ingenious were the theological and metaphysical speculations of this thinker that he was given the name “the Subtle Doctor.” However, in the 16th century, his followers became a conservative element in English universities, and they tended to resist the new learning of humanism. As result, dunsman and the shortened form duns (later respelled as we have it today), became terms of scorn, meaning first “sophist” or “pedant” and gradually taking on the modern sense “slow-witted person.”

 

Remarkably, Justin Trudeau's political trajectory has followed to a tee the historical evolution of the term dunce. From the honeymoon period, when magazines and assorted eulogists sang his praises all the way down to the actual divorce, Baby Trudeau may never have been a heavyweight of ingenious theological and metaphysical speculations, but he surely has taken a dive into sophist, pedant, and now slow-witted person. At the beginning of his prime ministership, Trudeau was adored by multitudes, not only for being extremely handsome but also for paying lip service the most outrageous battlecries of the radical progressives... until he actually followed through with them. Like hippos and moths, Trudeau was cute in the early days but then turned into a terrifying thing. Canadians tremble every time he's about to open his mouth or visit another country.

 

 

With what we have seen so far from Justin Trudeau, I want to make the case that, all things considered, Justin Bieber would be the best of the two Justins to lead Canada into a better place than what his namesake is achieving so far. Aristotle wrote that the city (the political unit of his time) exists for the sake of developing virtue in the citizens, hence the most virtuous have the strongest claim to rule. Therefore, what we are claiming is that Justin Bieber is more virtuous than Justin Trudeau and, henceforth, the latter must stand down so the former takes over.

 

REASON # 5: BIEBER IS A BETTER DANCER

 

During his recent visit to India, called by everyone a tax-payer funded holiday for the "Royal Family of Canada" due to the little work involved, Justin Trudeau invited a Sikh extremist and attempted murderer to a party, which is extremely poor diplomatic judgment and offensive to India, but he also dressed like a Bollywood actor to every event of the bloody trip and embarrassingly danced like the coin collecting monkey of an organ grinder.

 

 Look at this. If you are Canadian and you don't cringe, you're possibly Justin Trudeau himself. No wonder that the Indian government sent a low ranking official to welcome the First Touristing Family of Canada, perhaps because Prime Minister Narendra Modi was busy with the visit of Donald Trump Jr. Needless to say, Justin Bieber is an achieved dancer at levels that Trudeau could not even dream of. So, if Canadian international politics is now about dancing, what better option than to send a real, accomplished performer?

 

REASON # 4: BIEBER HAS A COOLER MENTOR

 

During a town hall meeting, Justin Trudeau delivered yet another cringeworthy moment. When a young lady was asking him a question she used the term "mankind", to which the The Ayatollah of Cringe interjected, rudely, to explain to her that the correct term is "peoplekind". Of course, El Justino provided Twitter with sufficient gunpowder for everyone to have a laugh, and things would have stopped there if not for his handler, Gerald Butts, who then converted generalized mockery into outright anger when tweeting this...

 

Not only you have to be tremendously arrogant but also a complete fool to call critics "Nazis". On social media. While being the PM's advisor.  Enter Justin Bieber. While Trudeau's gray matter is a known caustic and pedantic spin doctor with a dislike for the rabble, Bieber counts Will Smith as his mentor. Will - Fucking - Smith. Yes, the very Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Do I need to say more? Although a bleeding heart liberal who donates cash to synagogues, mosques, churches, and same-sex marriage alike, the truth is that Will Smith can rapact, and still takes time to speak to Justin Bieber once a week.

 

REASON # 3: BIEBER ACTUALLY HAS TALENT

 

Besides dabbling in boxing, where he's been knocked out consistently in hilarious ways, Justin Trudeau is a former drama teacher so, naturally, he has acted. Take a look at his Oscar-winning performance.

 

Honestly, many of us think that politics has gone down the drain. And Trudeau is pretty much an example of that. More a showman surfing on the back of his famous family name (and patrimony) than a skillful politician, it seems that the Western democracies bank on showmen for leaders nowadays. In that respect, Justin Bieber has definitely the upper hand. The Canadian is not only a multi-instrumentalist who played drums from the age of 2, but he's also smart. Or, let's put it this way, do you think Justin Trudeau could solve a Rubik's Cube in less than 2 minutes

 

I will make a bet for you here. With Justin Bieber as Prime Minister of Canada, I bet you $5 that Prime Minister Modi of India would have come to the airport in person to greet him --unlike Trudeau. I mean, let's face it. Trudeau has 4 million followers on Twitter, of which 56% do so in order to get some laughs thanks to his next gaffe. Bieber? He's got 105 million Twitter followers. Eat your heart out, Gerald Butts! You bet Bieber would have danced way better during that India trip, dragged crowds behind him, and even perform a few songs. Something that Trudeau, frankly. can't do.

 

REASON # 2: BIEBER's VICES AREN'T LIFE THREATENING TO CANADIANS


Justin Trudeau is nuts. And I don't mean this with acrimony. It's pure fact. First, he's a totalitarian fanatic, who will withhold summer job grants for employing students unless the employer signs a declaration pledging allegiance to the dogma of identity politics, namely transgender rights and abortion. This tells you that for Trudeau what matters is compliance, not freedom, and that, like Napoleon in Animal Farm, some animals are more equal than others. Second, there's the issue of terrorists, who Justin loves. Not only he has said that "if you kill your enemies they win", making him kind of useless as leader of the Canadian armed forces, but he's hellbent on welcoming back, and spoiling rotten, fighters of the Islamic State (ISIS) returning to Canada. Not only these are people who likely killed, raped, pillaged, and committed humanitarian atrocities for a completely mental doctrine, Trudeau wants them to live next door to law-abiding, peaceful, hardworking Canadians.

 

And all because, as he said, they will be an "extraordinarily powerful voice for Canada." And last but not least, Trudeau broke serious ethical laws when he agreed to spend a lavish holiday in the private island of the Aga Khan, whose foundation he also showers with Canadian taxes, but he also blundered it when trying to defend himself. Check out this painful mumbling.

 

And Justin Bieber? Well, he's no saint, for sure. Instead of imposing fanatical beliefs on unsuspecting Canadians, welcoming murderers and rapists back into the country, and misusing tax money, Justin likes to have the occasional beer, walks around wearing a gas mask (not a bad idea today due to the acid attacks happening since Sadiq Khan became the Caliph of London), shags Brazilian models, does the occasional graffiti, and, admittedly, behaves like a brat sometimes. Still, no signs of Bieber helping ISIS to terrorize Canada.

 

REASON # 1: BIEBER KNOWS WHO HIS BIOLOGICAL DAD IS

 

Like all radical progressives, Justin's dad is equally loved and hated. It can be said that daddy Trudeau was the quintessential leftist, i.e. piling up debt and leaving it for next generations to pay, stoking poverty, being friendly with communist dictators while loathing his U.S. counterpart, stabbed the constitution so the social justice industry of human rights activism could flourish, and polarized the country by neglecting the rest of the country in favor of his home province. This is a path that the apple of his eye, Justin, has followed faithfully. Remember that he is the person who said that budgets balance themselves. Also, the manchild who once said he admires the basic dictatorship in China. And who, despite all his ass kissing and promises of a juicy trade deal, came back from yet another touristy trip with his hands empty.

 

And, yeah, then there's the rumor that Fidel Castro is Justin's biological father, which wouldn't surprise anyone since the Trudeaus loved communists so much. Unfortunately, it seems that it is not true... but wouldn't it be hilarious if it were?

 

Now, jokes aside. Bieber also wins in this department. His biological dad, who is kind of confirmed, used to be an MMA fighter, keeps knocking up chicks, and trains boxing with his son. The thing is, unlike Trudeau, who's had a silver spoon his whole life, Bieber is actually raised by a single-mom in low-income housing. Think about it: you have a pretty boy without artistic talent and who claims to box having never known what is to soil other than silk diapers; and, on the other side, a pretty boy with artistic talent who actually boxes with a real MMA fighter who, for all intents and purposes, knows what's to be a low class Canadian.

 

If, like Aristotle said, politics is about the virtuous ones leading society into a virtuous life, Justin Bieber is, hands down, more reliable than Justin Trudeau.

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